Somewhere in Minnesota
Jordonias: Hey? Did you hear of Light Elf's house in Canada
Gebus: Yeh, tigering Canadians
Kyle: I say we break into his house and rob him
Jordonias: Exactly what I was thinking, but we need help
Gebus: Who did you have in mind?
Jordonias: We need the following people:
Kaios
Muffin Man
Rokhan
Pepin
Chronolink
Gebus: Rokhan is Canadian too
Jordonias: That's why we'll get him last, first we have a 3000 mile flight to England to get Chronolink
Kyle: tigering Brits
A 9 hour flight later
Chronolink is in a pub drinking cider and smoking
Chronolink: You know... the price of Tea is high in pubs nowadays
Local1: It sure is
Local2: Bloody hell
The Minnesotians walk through the door
Jordonias: Chronolink, we need your help
Chronolink: With what?
Kyle: Breaking into Light Elf's house in Canada
Chronolink: And what do I get?
Kyle: Loot... and loads of
Chronolink: You mean... no more cake-selling
Jordonias: Sure, this is all expenses paid, just come with us
Chronolink: Bloody hell i'm with you mates
Gebus: We aren't your mates, tigering Brit
They take the plane to Texas to find Muffin Man
Muffin Man is outside filming his next movie "Captain Planet saves Lithuania."
Muffin Man: Captain Planet, he's our hero, gonna take Lithuania's pollution down to Zero
Jordonias: Wait right there, you aren't making a film, come with us to rob Light Elf's house so you don't have to
keep making these trash spin-offs
Muffin Man: Uh... ok, so no more films to make?
Kyle: Come with us and you'll be rich
Muffin Man: Uh... ok
The next stop: Kansas
Pepin is here trying on a new ninja outfit
Pepin: I fail... I think. YARRRRRRR!
Jordonias: Put down that ninja sword
Pepin: Uh... why?
Gebus: You're coming with us
Pepin: What for?
Gebus: To rob some Canadians house, you'll be rich
Pepin: No more cheap ninja outfits?
Gebus: Sure
Pepin: I'm in
A flight to Long Island
Kaios is watching some white people beat a black guy
Kaios: Ell oh ell
Jordonias: Ohhhhh Chronolink give me popcorn a ------ is getting his ass kicked
Kaios: That's racist
Kyle: Come with us, there's a guy called Light Elf, now as Light is in his name THAT is racist right?
Kaios: I guess
Kyle: And you get to be rich
Kaios: Ok
Last stop, Newfoundland
G-unit headquarters
Poker player: I call, King high
Rokhan: I have an ace
Poker player: Dammit, since that silver poker deck you've been winning a lot more
Rokhan: I'm just pro
The theives walk in
Jordonias: Hey G-unit, we need your Canadianess to beat another Canadian, what do you say?
Rokhan: I am G-unit master, no way
Jordonias: But you'll be loads richer, you can buy as many silver poker decks as you like
Rokhan: Really?
Gebus: tigering Canadians
Rokhan cuts Gebus over the wrist with a Silver 4 of Hearts
Gebus: Owwwwwww he cut me, i'm tigering bleeding
Kaios: Ell oh ell
Jordonias: We need you Rokhan, we need your Canadian expertise
Rokhan: Ok, i'm in
Finally, at Edmonton, Alberta Canada
Jordonias: Ok Pepin, do some ninja stuff and fly to Light Elf's place, gather some info
Pepin: Ok
Pepin does a ninja flying tecnique and fly's off to Light Elf's house
The house of Light Elf
Light Elf: So there's laser alarms, 100 security guards, CCTV you name it, it's there
Cham: It's all there like innit bro?
Deimos: No one breaks into this house
Meanwhile Pepin is looking at all this, suddenly he feels a quick, sharp stab in the neck
Pepin: What? I'm bleeding, probably birds or something. Well I know their security, time to go back
Pepin flies back
Pepin: Hey guys their security is 100 guards, laser alarms and CCTV, other stuff too
Jordonias: Interesting, shouldn't be much of a problem
Jordonias notices Pepin is bleeding down his neck
Jordonias: Uh.. Pepin? you're bleeding man
Pepin: Am I?
Jordonias: Yeh you are
Pepin: It's nothing it was just....
Pepin falls onto the floor dead
Gebus: What the tiger happened?
Muffin looks at the wound
Muffin Man: Hmmmm... he was poisoned, looks like another ninja's work
Kyle: Dammit, they got a ninja working on security?
Kaios: Seems so
Jordonias: Ok this is the plan:
Chronolink? You will help kill the 100 guards
Muffin Man? You are going to spray-paint the CCTV with pink
Rokhan? You know how Canadian's work, predict his moves
Kaios? You help spot the ninja and do something with the lasers
Kyle, Gebus and myself will be breaking safe codes, and helping ourselves to the loot
Chronolink: Here's a better idea, why don't we wait outside, mug Light Elf, Deimos and Cham, steal the keys and then take the place?
Kyle, Gebus and Jordonias all put their faces in their palms
Jordonias: LOOK YOU DARN BRIT. That'S THE EASY METHOD, THE POINT IS WE HAVE TO PROVE WE CAN DO THIS WITHOUT BEING SEEN
Chronolink: Oh... ok
They all set out to the Light Elf palace...
11pm
Light Elf: Ok i'm going to bed to watch some porn
Cham: I'm going to bed to... sleep
Deimos: Same
Jordonias and Rokhan looking at the palace from some distance assess the situation
Rokhan: Ok, he's not actually going to bed, he'll be in his room though, with something shiny and will be admiring it
Jordonias: Ok, we'll carry on
Jordonias waves Muffin Man and Chronolink over
Jordonias: Ok Muffin, we need you to fire pink paint at the 3 CCTV over there. As soon as they are hit I need you to
help me kill the 2 patrolling guards
Jordonias hands Chronolink an AWP
Chronolink: Ahhhh.... baby, YEH
Gebus: Dammit you silly Brit, keep the noise down
Jordonias: Ready?
Muffin Man: Ready
Chronolink: Ready
Muffin Man fires pink paint from his paintball gun at the CCTV and the 2 guards get taken down
Kaios: HEADSHOT!
Kyle hits Kaios over the head
Kyle: HUSH dammit, we'll get heard
Jordonias: So far so good, any sign of the ninja?
Kaios: Nope
Jordonias: Good, lets go
They all move up to the wall
Gebus: Ok, i'll look over, lift me up
They make a human ladder for Gebus who walks up and spots another wall with more guards and more CCTV
Gebus: Not good, 5 cameras and 7 guards
Jordonias: This'll be trickier that it looks, ok, Muffin? Shoot the cameras real damn fast, jump down us, me and Chronolink
will stand on Kyle's shoulders and shoot them
Kyle: Why me?
Muffin Man: you're fat, that's why
They all silently laugh
Kyle: Damn you people, I hate this
Muffin stands atop the wall firing 5 precise shots at the cameras then quickly jumps down, Chronolink and Jordonias climb quickly and take out 6 guards, Chronolink missing the 7th one
Jordonias: Kill him, dammit you Brit tigertard kill him
Chronolink misses, but see's the guard go down before he raises the alarm
Jordonias: Dammit you retard you almost cost us
Chronolink: I didn't shoot him... he fell before I fired
Kaios: Must be the ninja
Jordonias: Ok, everyone over
They all get on top of the wall and lower each other down, human ladder style. Kaios see's something move on top of
the other wall
Kaios: It's the ninja
Chronolink start recklessly firing at where he thinks he is
Gebus: Stop that
Jordonias: Dammit Chrono, I have 1 clip left for that, see the movement first
Kaios: I think he's gone
Jordonias: Ok, on we go
They scale the wall and look over it, to find a huge garden with fountains. Only with 20 cameras and 15 guards
Jordonias: This won't be easy. Ok here's the plan. I'll jump down and kill the the nearest guard so he screams and distracts the others, while they look, all in the bushes. On our way, we need the CCTV taken out, ok with that Muffin?
Muffin Man: Word up yo
Jordonias: Ok
Jordonias jumps down and stabs the nearest security guard making him scream in pain, the others jump down quickly moving into the
bushes as Muffin Man fires more pink-paint at the cameras
Kyle: What's that on my monkey?
Rokhan: That's your monkey? thought it was Gebus trying to keep his head down
Muffin Man: HAHAHA! Look at Jord, he blends in well with the bushes like a timba ------
Everyone starts to laugh
Jordonias: I don't know why I bother to be honest, if you want the loot, look to your right where our entrance is, a barred window. Get ready Chronolink, take out those guards
Chronolink: Gotcha mate
Jordonias and Gebus start making precise shots taking all the guards down
Kyle: All clear
They make to the window
Rokhan: As this is Canada, those bars are not iron, they are plastic
Gebus: Realy?
Rokhan: Yeh, they have the same bars on the CN tower
Kyle: Darn Canadians
Jordonias: Break it for us
Rokhan breaks the window and takes off the bars
Kaios: It's clear, all through
They climb through the window. Jordonias produces the map he drew with some crayons
Jordonias: Hmm... the vault is 500 meters up from the left out of here
Kyle: There has to be security guards outside
Gebus: OH LOOK WHAT I FOUND
Gebus waves an air-horn around
Jordonias: Hmm... I have an idea
Kyle sounds the air-horn, the rest lie in wait at the door for the security guards... nothing happens
Kyle: Well it's a good idea right?
Chronolink: This is going in my next bloody story
Jordonias: No guards, let's go
They move out from the room and walk past a few more doors... and come to laser alarms that are moving quickly
Kaios: Hmm... leave this to me
Kaios takes off all his clothes and runs through the lasers
Everyone looks at Kaios, then at Rokhan
Rokhan: Hey? How was I to know Canadian laser alarms sucked this much?
Gebus: Right, everyone take their clothes off and run through
They all take off their clothes except Muffin Man who is wearing a pink thong
Kyle: What is that?
Muffin Man: Word up pink pimps yo
Kyle: Take it off so we can go through
Muffin Man: I'm not taking this thong off, word to your mom
Kyle: We can't get the loot allowing you to get more pink thongs if you don't take it off
Muffin Man: Well, ok, but just this once
After taking off the pink thong they all run through the laser alarms and get dressed soon after. After moving on they come to the rooms of where Cham, Light Elf and Deimos are sleeping
Jordonias: Ok, quietly does it
They sneek past Deimos' room where they hear nothing, just a buzzing sound
Afterwards they sneek past Cham's room where they hear nothing, just the noises of rap music
Lastly they walk past Light Elf's room, they they hear him shouting
"Yeh, baby, ow, take it you dirty cat, yehhhh."
Jordonias whispers: Rokhan? What is he doing?
Rokhan: He's wacking off again
Everyone tries hard not to laugh
After a bit of walking later, they get to the vault
Jordonias: Ok Gebus, get the first door open
Gebus gets to work on the first door
Kyle: I'll work on the second
Kyle gets the second door open
Jordonias: Time to work on the third door
Jordonias cracks the door open
It slowly opens and all wait to see what loot awaits them. They are shocked to see that there's a fourth door
Jordonias: What? A Fourth? There's never a fourth
Gebus: Seems Light Elf is smarter than we think
Kyle: Whatever are we going to do?
Chronolink: Unix
Kyle: What?
Chronolink: Unix, that is the path to open this door, I am a scriptkiddie, leave this to me
Chronolink gets to work on the terminal next to the door and gets it open in under ten seconds
Kyle: Impressive
Gebus: Hmmm...
Jordonias: Crazy Brits
Muffin Man: I see what you did there
Kaios: Ell Oh Ell
Rokhan: Chowned!
They see the loot awaiting them only to see the Ninja has beaten them to it
Jordonias: What? Stop him
Chronolink and Jordonias fires off bullets only to be dodged by the Ninja. Muffin Man fires off pink paint with no success
Before anyone else can react the Ninja swiftly knocks them on the floor with a series of kicks. He then unveils his mask to
reveal...
CRACK PIPE
Chronolink: What are you doing here? And why did you kill Pepin?
Crack Pipe: I didn't mean to kill him, i'm sorry. All I ever did was want to get noticed because everyone ignores me
Crack Pipe breaks down crying
Kaios: Hey it's ok, we can all have some of the loot here, think how many crack pipes you can get?
Crack Pipe: Ok, lets take all the money here
Jordonias: And diamonds, and this and that yeh yeh lets GO
They begin to help themselves to what they need and make a hasty escape
The next morning
Light Elf visits the vault only to find the following
A G-unit hat
A watch
A pink thong
A poster with a black kid on it
A used-up crack pipe
An American flag
A can of mountain dew
A picture of Bush
Light Elf: DAMN YOU JORRRDONIAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!
Back in England
Chronolink: Yep, all is grand here, I got my own brewery for all the cider I need
In Newfoundland
Rokhan: Hmm.... seems like I only own 87% of the G-unit branch in Canada, time to buy the other 13%
Long Island
Kaios: I have my own "stop racism" propoganda. That sure is racist
Texas
Muffin Man: Whoooooo a pink Texan bakery, pink Captain Planet, pink everything, all is pink and it's all MINEEEE
Minnesota
Jordonias: Hey? I just bought the police
Kyle: Nice
Gebus: I gave all our timba fishs a new home where they are paid equally and their rights are the same as the white man. They also have new clothes
Kyle: Uhhh... they don't wear clothes
Jordonias: Seems like they do now
Kansas
Pepin opens his eyes
Pepin: Whoa... that was a nice donation for that life saving operation. I'm alive again
As for Crack Pipe? Well no ones really knows, but will he be ignored forever? Probably, but he might not be, I guess we'll find out soon
THE END
Topic: Operation: Light Elf (Read 2767 times)
June 02, 2007, 10:29:48 am
