Thanks to Pure Chaos who wrote this years ago
The following story is based on RPGWO. If you already met Ursus, you would know that he is extremely turtle.
Once upon a time, in the lands of SteelTide, two players Overlord Ursus and Tikal had a rivalry.
9 out of 10 times they duel, the young warrior Tikal would win. Now the funny thing was, Tikal was more than 20 levels below him
One day when these two warriors were fighting, Dumbass Ursus trips and falls into a cave like the clumsy nerd he is.
A fat sage named Chronolink breaks Ursus's fall.
Ursus:What the..
Chronolink:un1x.
Ursus:un1x?
Chronolink:The only way to defeat Tikal is to concentrate all your energy and become a ScriptKiddie
Ursus:Script Kiddie?
Chronolink:Script Kiddie.
Ursus:But im a noob..
Chronolink:I know that, young child. We will begin your training tomorow. Be there you square.
Ursus:Eh? ok.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=Next Day=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Ursus:Oh man my head hurts..feels like I had some beers last night..
Chronolink:Oh I see you are up child. I drugged you last night with some heavy crap.
Ursus:...WHAT THE HELL GET ME OUT
-Ursus runs for the door-
-Chronolink uses his telekenetic powers to stop ursus-
Chronolink:YOU NOOB. CANT YOU SEE? THESE DRUGS WILL HELP YOU TRAIN.
Ursus:Fine perv, I'll stay..
Chronolink:Come. I will show you the training hall.
=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-Training Hall=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Chronolink:Here you must complete difficult tasks to finish the course.
Ursus:Who is that hot guy over there. His ass is fiiiiine.
Chronolink:That would be my experienced apprentice, Mantis. After you think you are ready, you will fight mantis.
If you win, you passed the course and you are free to go.
Ursus:Looks easy. i'll take him on right now.
-Ursus walks over to mantis with determination-
-Ursus swings at mantis-
-Mantis, with a HUGE swing of his cherry-on-a-stick, slams Ursus and knocks him into the brick wall.
Ursus:Oooh man..I never knew a hot guy like him could have such a strong swing.
Chronolink:YOU FOOL. YOU ARE SO Ch00BISH THAT I NEED MY BOSS PURE CHAOS TO HELP ME TRAIN YOU
Pure Chaos:Hello imbecile. Welcome to my training lair, where cats become men. I will teach you
different strategies on how to fight pe--WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING NOOB.
Ursus:Home. You guys freak me out.
Pure Chaos:DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD GO HOME?
Ursus:Nope.
-Pure Chaos flies to ursus and grabs him by the neck-
Pure Chaos:You listen to me, noob. If you dont listen to me, you will get NO WHERE you understand?
Ursus:But i suck..
Pure Chaos:We know that, ch00b. LET THE TRAINING BEGIN.
=-=-=-=-==-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-One year later=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Pure Chaos:You have improved much Ursus.
Ursus:I know! I like totally dont suck anymore girlfriend!
Pure Chaos:You still suck, but you have improved a lot.
Ursus:When..will i...be..ENOUGH!!!!!!!
-Ursus bashes pure chaos in the head with his damon mace-
-Pure Chaos is down on the floor injured-
-Ursus flies away into the sky-
Pure Chaos:Grrr...i'll get that noob..
Chronolink:Are you alright master?
Pure Chaos:I'm fine. I think i pulled my groin though. Whatever that is.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=The Next Day=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=--
Pure Chaos calls up his allies and re-forms The 1337 Seven.
-Mantis flies in-
-Chronolink flies in-
-Person Man flies in-
-Stryder flies in-
-Jesse James flies in-
-Axeman flies in-
Pure Chaos:You all know what you are here for. It looks like Ursus has put together an army
of SteelTide noobs. Us Phobos oldbies will show their asses who owns RPGWO.
We shall attack their base at 0800 hours.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=--=-0800 Hours=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The 1337 Seven flies to the guildbase of State of the Apes.
There, they see Ursus and his turtle posse.
Pure Chaos: ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Stryder:wtf
Chronolink:un1x
Mantis:KAER BLOWS IRAQ
Jesse James:.....
Axeman: -.-
Person Man:wooo
Pure Chaos:I SAID...ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Stryder:wtf
Mantis:KAER BLOWS IRAQ
Chronolink:Scriptkiddie h4x0r
The 1337 Seven gets into formation and shoots a dozen arrows in the air towards the guildbase.
While the arrows fall, the people of state of the ape fall and the 1337 seven hear awkward
die screams. Especially Ursus's. Which kind of sounded like AAAAAYWAAAAAAWWWWWR!! But that
wasn't enough to pierce Ursus's armor. Ursus grabs onto a tree and tries to pull himself back up
but he is too fat. He breaks the tree and falls right back down. This time, he makes an even
more awkward noise which sounded a lot like this:OOOOO-OOOOO-AHHHHHH-AHHHHH-EEEEEEYAAAAH.
Which meant in ape language:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I WILL NEVER FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL
Three minutes later, Ursus falls. Pure Chaos takes his body and throws it in a fire.
Leaving only a puddle of his blood.
-------------------------------------The End----------------------------------------------
Topic: Ursus episode I (Read 1421 times)
March 23, 2007, 09:46:07 pm
